I Think I Have A Gambling Problem Uk

GamCare offers free information, support, and counselling for problem gamblers in the UK. It runs the National Gambling Helpline (0808 8020 133) and also offers face-to-face counselling. Make a list about how your gambling problem has affected your life in a negative way. Write as much as you can. Make the list on the left side of a sheet of paper so you have room on the right side. On the right side, write about how your life will change for the better when you stop gambling. Problem gambling. Gambling can take the form of pokies, lotto, scratchies, card games, racing or other forms of betting. Each year, 70% of Australians participate in some type of gambling, but for some, gambling can quickly become a problem. The consequences can be life threatening. Personally I believe compulsive gambling problem is an 'addictive thinking' problem derived from various past life events and many from childhood. They may be real or just perceived from our environment. You have to ask yourself eventually, 'Do I really want to spend the rest of my life like this?'

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Gambling, whether on sports, reality TV or at an online casino, should be fun. We personally enjoy a punt and we believe that the choice of whether to gamble or not is a freedom that should be granted to people. That said, as with many things in life, gambling can be addictive and we fully support responsible gambling.

As such, it’s essential to be aware of the signs of gambling addiction, either in yourself or in someone close to you, and also to know what to do and what support is available.

Gambling Guidelines

Whether you gamble every now and again on your favourite sport, once a year on the Grand National or are a regular gambler who likes a bet on just about anything, there are some basic “rules” that everyone should follow. Many of these have been so oft-repeated that they may be clichés but they are undeniably true so we’re more than happy to repeat them again.

• Is It Fun? – Gambling should be fun. For MOST people it is not an investment or a way to make easy money. Making consistent long term profit is incredibly difficult, so don’t think of gambling as anything more than a hobby that you do for enjoyment and you won’t go too far wrong. If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, don’t do it.
• Bet Within Your Means – Only bet with money you can afford to lose because there is, of course, a chance that you will lose. Even bets at odds of 1/100 lose – every day!
• Don’t Chase Losses – Chasing losses is the quickest way to lose your money and whilst you think that just one more bet could get you back on track, it is equally, if not more likely, to plunge you deeper into trouble. Betting big when you are down is illogical and can quickly spiral out of control.
• Quit Whilst You Are Ahead – If you keep betting and betting, eventually you will lose. If you have a set amount of profit that you are aiming for in a given day, once you reach it, stop betting and enjoy your profits!

Am I Addicted, Do I Have a Problem?

Some people view addiction as being at the far extremes of behaviour, for example the alcoholic who drinks whiskey at 10am while sitting at home alone, or the drug addict who needs a hit every hour. However, whatever label we give to an issue, if your gambling is making you or those around you unhappy or anxious, it is a problem and you may be addicted. UK body GambleAware gives the following signs as possible indicators of a gambling problem:

• Spending more money and time on gambling than you can afford.
• Difficulty stopping or managing your betting.
• Arguing about money or gambling with family or friends.
• Declining interest in normal hobbies.
• Thinking about or talking about gambling all the time.
• Chasing losses.
• Gambling until you lose everything.
• Borrowing money, selling belongings or not paying bills to fund gambling.
• Betting more and/or for longer to get the same excitement.
• Neglecting responsibilities due to gambling.
• Gambling-related anxiety, guilt, worry, depression or irritability.

If you have some of those warning signs it might be time to think about your gambling, especially if you hide the extent of your gambling and/or losses from those around you. Remember, just because you don’t bet every day, or all the time, doesn’t mean your gambling isn’t a problem. It’s also very important to realise that admitting you have a problem doesn’t make you weak, foolish or stupid and problem gambling and addiction crosses all age, sex, race and class divides – anyone can become addicted to gambling.

Gambling Addiction: Getting Help

If you feel you may have a problem then the good news is that there are lots of options in terms of getting help. In the first instance simply telling a friend or family member about your actions and trying to take a break from gambling may be a good idea.

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If your issue is more serious then there are a range of organisations that offer help, totally free, with 100% confidentiality and without judging you. The National Gambling Helpline can be contacted on 0808 8020 133 and is operated by Gamcare. They are a great starting point, whilst the options below offer alternative sources of advice and help:

• National Problem Gambling Clinic – this London body can be contacted on 020 7534 6699
• Gamblers Anonymous – GA can be contacted on 020 7384 3040
• National Debtline – if your gambling has caused financial problems call 0808 808 4000
• Citizens Advice Bureau – the CAB can advise on a wide range of issues and sign post you to more specific help
• Gordon Moody Association – can provide residential care for extreme problems: call 01384 241292 for details

Note that all of the organisations above have websites that can be easily accessed but if you’d rather not go to a third party, controlling your gambling via the bookies themselves is also possible.

Self-Exclusion, Deposit Limits and Cooling Off

Responsible gambling is very important to online bookies and all sites will have dedicated areas to help customers control their own gambling. These may be found under your account tab or a sometimes through a dedicated responsible gambling tab and there are three main options available, although not all bookmakers will offer all three.

1. Deposit Limit – if you feel you are losing more than you would like one control measure is to set a deposit limit. This can be as little as £5 per day and means you cannot add more than that in any 24 hour period to that particular bookie. You have to wait 24 hours if you decide to remove or increase a deposit limit, which gives you time to think if you really want to bet more.
2. Cooling Off – some bookies will allow you to temporarily exclude yourself from betting for a period from one day up to a month or more, again giving you time to think and decide whether betting is really what you want to be doing.
3. Self-Exclusion – self-exclusion is the most extreme step and means you won’t be able to use that online account for a minimum of six months, although much longer periods of exclusion are available.

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About a year ago a coaching client of mine told me about sudden inexplicable financial troubles. He couldn’t figure out where the money was disappearing. It really wasn’t difficult to figure out at all - he just wasn't ready to see it.

A Story of Love and Gambling

The Problem

He and his wife enjoyed day trips to Atlantic City, and they had been going for years. Recently, he told me his wife began going with her friends, without him. I suspected that extra money was going down that drain. He followed up on my suggestion about discussing it with her but the conversation backfired - she not only became defensive about her need for those day trips, she also claimed that her need originated from the stress he brought to the relationship. She even claimed that if she had more control over the finances, they wouldn’t have so many problems.

A few days later he called to tell me that she wasn't going to Atlantic City with her friends, she was going alone, and sometimes she went gambling even when she said she was going elsewhere. He admitted that he could be living and loving a gambling addict. The signs were:

• Disappearing money
• Defensiveness
• Secretiveness about the gambling
• Blaming another for the problem
• Claiming to be able to control the problem.

Notice how it sounds just like the signs of substance abuse addictions.

I told him to take careful stock of the valuables in the house, and he began to notice some things missing, like his gold cufflinks (that he almost never wore) and her grandmother’s watch.

Finding Solutions

The goal in our work together became how to help a compulsive gambler, but there were two major roadblocks:

1. His feelings.
2. Her perceptions.
   

He had a hard time accepting that his beloved wife would steal money, lie, and compulsively gamble. He was also afraid to confront her because he didn’t want to hurt her and he didn't believe in tracking her movements or restricting them. He was afraid to say to her “I know you went to A.C. to gamble,” it felt accusatory, like he was an abusive husband. While he wanted her to stop, and wanted to help, he also wanted to defend her and cover up for her.

A bigger problem was that she needed to want to stop. The first step was to convince her that there was a gambling problem. Since the relationship was strong, we used a cooperative approach. One goal was to set financial boundaries and make it obvious when those boundaries were threatened. For that, he needed to be aware of her gambling and be able to discuss her financial breaches without accusing her. For this:

1. They started to plan her trips to Atlantic City together - planning how much money she would have to take with her.
   
2. They would review how well she did when she came back. This way he could track the losses.
   

This was really difficult for him, especially when she lost some of her expensive jewelry. However, since he was not getting angry and he was supportive of her (but not of the habit) it only took about three months for her to just admit that she had a problem, though it took another six months before she was ready to get help.

They are not out of the woods yet, but it is looking good. He needed (and needs) constant coaching and support, especially to guard his own finances and sanity. He certainly could not do it alone.

5 Tips for Helping a Loved-One

Here are some lessons for anyone in this situation:

1. Get Support

If you are living and loving a problem gambler, don’t try to handle the situation without support. Get help. Like all addictions, shame and stigma can prevent you from regaining your life, if you let them.

1. Support, either through professional help or a 12 step group, can save you from feeling that you're all alone.
   
2. Other people who have the same struggles can point out codependency problems; when by trying to be helpful to your loved one you are actually exacerbating the problem.

2. Protect Yourself and Your Family

Like with any addiction, one person's behaviors affect other family members. If you and your family get burdened with your loved one’s gambling debts, it could take years to get your financial situation back under control.

1. If you have to take over the family’s finances, then that might be a priority.
2. At the same time, you must be very careful not to become responsible for the gambler’s problems. He or she will have to sink or swim on her or his own.

3. Explain the Situation to the Children

If you have children, explain the problem to them. They know that something is amiss and they will handle it better if it is explained in an appropriate manner. When talking to your children, and when talking to yourself, never forget the good qualities your loved one has.

1. You need to keep the door open for a full and complete reintegration into the family.
2. In this same vein, you want to keep the gambler involved in family activities as much as possible.

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4. Keep Calm

Staying calm is extremely important.

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• Don’t lose your temper about the gambling, because that can serve as an excuse for more gambling (and the same goes for lecturing and scolding.)

This does not mean that you need to sugarcoat the situation. You do need to discuss the implications and consequences of the gambling, just do not react emotionally since it will be counterproductive.

5. Allow Natural Consequences to Occur

You should never bail out the gambler. There need to be “natural” consequences for bad behavior.

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Always remember that gambling addiction treatment can take a long time, and it is likely that there will be ups and downs, progress and relapses, but with support and persistence you can get your family-life back.

About the authorAri Hahn:

I am a professional helper since 1976 and an LCSW since 1991. I have specialized in survivors of trauma. Presently I also have an on-line therapy and coaching practice where I also specialize in helping families and loved ones of ex-abused people. I also am a professor at TCI College in NYC.

Page last updated 02/07/2015